I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
