Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
