hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
