OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
