Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize