why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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