Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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