If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
