I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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