Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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