you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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