WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
