we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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