Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
