pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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