the day after is always just damage control
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
