Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
