You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
