when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize