Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
