I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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