So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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