Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
