Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize