I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
