I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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