Slut skills are useful in every country.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
