drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
