Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
