8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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