PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
