my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
