Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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