I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
