Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
