i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My dick has a subreddit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
