His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
