Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
