I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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