I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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