He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
