we have officially lost it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
