Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
