I cockslap morals
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize