I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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