"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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