You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
