How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
