You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize