Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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