you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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