This is not my ceiling
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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