I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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