We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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