I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
