Jerry, you need to find god
where are you?
Hypothermia
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
