So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
