Dual....:-)
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
