Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize