If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
