we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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