all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
