No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
