Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
