There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
