Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
