so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize