we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
