I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
