Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
